Tuesday, March 1, 2011

le road rage


Dear City of Austin:

I recently noticed the new bus stop you put just before the entrance to the J.J. Pickle Research Center restricted entrance.

WHAT IN THE FSCK WERE YOU PEOPLE SMOKING WHEN YOU CAME UP WITH THIS CRAP?

DID YOU EVER STOP TO THINK THAT WHEN PEOPLE NOW STOP HERE (BUSSES, SHITHEADS WITH ENTITLEMENT COMPLEXES LETTING PASSENGERS OFF) THAT THIS COULD VERY POSSIBLY BE A SERIOUS SAFETY HAZARD?  NEVER MIND THE INCONVENIENCE OF HAVING TO WAIT BEHIND A BUS LETTING PEOPLE OFF/ON AT THAT STOP WHILE WE'RE TRYING TO MAKE A RIGHT-HAND TURN INTO "PRC" IN ORDER TO GET TO OUR JOB!

DO YOU MORONS ACTUALLY DRIVE ON THESE ROADS WITH MOTOR VEHICLES LIKE MOST OF US HAVE TO DO (BECAUSE WE DON'T LIVE IN A FAIRY TALE WORLD WHERE THE BUS ACTUALLY COMES WITHIN A REASONABLE DISTANCE OF OUR HOMES AND CAN TAKE US TO WORK IN LESS THAN TWICE THE TIME IT WOULD TAKE TO DRIVE)?  I BET YOU PEOPLE DON'T USE BRAKER LANE EXCEPT TO SHOP AT THE DOMAIN (ANOTHER OF YOUR MORONIC DECISIONS).

It is hard enough to get around in this city.  I know that you pot-smoking, bicycle-obsessed, tie-die hippie, green-dreaming pig fsckers (thank you, South Park) think that if you can succeed in making the roads we paid (and are still paying) for so inconvenient to use for driving cars that we'll all stop driving and ride a bicycle to work.  Well, pardon me for taking fscking exception to your Utopian, impossible, impractical dream.  I purchased a low-emission, gas-saving vehicle and moved close to where I work so that I could help achieve the lofty goals of trying to be kind to the environment while still having the convenience and practicality of having air conditioning while commuting 5 miles each way to work in 90+ degree weather.  Now, my car no longer is very efficient since you put (and are continuing to put) obstacles like frequent, mis-sequenced traffic lights, skinny unsafe lanes due to restriping the roads for bike lanes, and POORLY PLACED BUS STOPS as additional obstacles on the road.
Before you think about making any further idiotic changes to the roadways, please consider that the roads are already difficult enough to drive on.  People are already driving around with their head up their ass.  I try my best to be considerate and careful on the roads.  However, as the number of idiots and the number of idiotic road design decisions increase, that causes more and more frustration for those people like myself who do try to be considerate and who do have a place we need to be.  You know, work.  That thing that I need in order to pay the taxes that pays your salaries.

Sincerely,

The Mad Computer Scientist
(today, just a bit madder)

A special thanks goes out to icanhascheezburger.com ... not only for helping me maintain my sanity when my day starts off with a moronic driver blocking a three-lane busy road (and the entrance to where I work) in order to let someone off at a bus stop, but also for providing the fun graphics for this rant (see also Memebase, part of the "cheezburger network," for much of the inspiration for this)

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